all our lessons

there will be disappointment…

there will be moments where you question it all -

every sip in and every pour out

there will be opinions and perspectives

that center into personal and bypass the potential

of all that is possible from the Highest view

there will be doubt

and denial

and disgust, distrust

and defeat

rest in what is true

not the externals

not the edges

not the expectations

rest in the center of you

it may not be what it was

it may not be what is wanted

it may not be what has been hoped for

it will be all it needs to be when it is needed to be it

may what disappoints now

have the ability to direct us into

Our Divine Destiny

allow it all to crumble

allow them to misinterpret,

not interrupt - your call and creations

rise and continue on and through

we need you and all your lessons

when I think of the lessons that I am currently in it feels bigger and beyond a text book, a workshop, a Ted talk, any and all outer sources, to me it feels like the things that reside below the surface of my skin and take up space deep within my heart, my chest, my soul… when I think about what I have been learning and unlearning it all feels nestled as well as knotted into this human experience, the curriculum of my days and breaths and all that I feel, all that I hope to heal, all that I hope to one day better and more clearly know.

and in all that I don’t know, I do know we are here to learn through the lived experiences of our lives all in hopes of liberating ourselves from the patterns and projections that keep us from our own depth and Divinity, and how in those master-courses of mastering our own peace, it is not singular to the story, life, or lessons of the one who lives it, yet like ripples, it will find us all.

lately, my lessons seem to center around the priority of me and for the first time in many moons and miles and missed opportunities, I am finally feeling the very trust fall into the very words that came to me the other morning in my meditation and that is: me first.

me first is something that I know I need to learn to do especially as someone who is much more comfortable at me being like maybe second or third or even like 10th or 20th in the placement and path of support, healing, and receptivity to care- yet, I feel more than ever that what I am able to share outside of myself is only as potent and powerful as that which I am able to share generously within, and that is enough to get me more clear, confident, and courageous at placing me first in all ways I can.

me first is a difficult curriculum as someone who knows when I come first, others may need to come last, or 2nd, or maybe even off the agenda completely, and the disappointment that may cause. as someone who holds space for others and has learned through the lessons and gifts of holding those spaces just how important and impactful they can be for another, it can feel counter intuitive, it can feel like I am not giving it my all and most just, when actually the very clear lesson here and now for me is that if I am bypassing my own comfort, my own joy, my own healing, my own spaciousness to show up and share those same salves and hopes for the communities and beings outside of me, well I am not just doing me great injustice, I am also extending that to all I come into contact with.

me first does not mean me only. me first does not mean I have forgotten or abandon the great work and service I am so blessed and privileged to share within this world and human experience, it just means I gotta place me, the star of this story, at the forefront, as the foundation, and to the fullest degree of my own possibilities because y’all when I do that, when I practice that, and when I finalllllyyyyy learn that fully and wholly and true, well that’s when the real magick happens and it is not solely for me yet for each and all of you and all I have the opportunity to do.

I am learning to be okay with the disappointment of others if and only if it’s rooted in the not disappointing of me and my needs and care. I am learning to be okay with no longer bypassing my own comfort to make those around me more comfortable and instead to rest in all the work I have been able to do to know such comfort within me - here and her and now. as the world continues to be such an uncomfortable place and a place where I am continually gasping for breath, grieving in my heart, and hoping for better in all that I do, I feel it is such a gift to know the sanctuary within my own being to return to relief even if there’s parts of me that still resists- I know I need to, I know I must. and I know I’ve said it before and i’ll absolutely say it again, discomfort is not dangerous, it is evolutionary, and for someone who’s spent more of their life in that evolutionary space of being completely uncomfortable, I feel this season of my story is now teaching me to rest in, resource in, rejuvenate in what I have worked so hard for: my ease, my peace, my comfort. for if my body can feel and be fueled by those lessons, I will actually be embodying the very thing within me that I hope with all my heart to share and embed with the world.

me first.

I feel the bronchitis has been helping me to do this- my own study buddy and tutor teaching me to set aside the ideas of what I think is going to happen and just be with the moment and allow the mending and medicine of my body to take place. pretty much the entire month of July has been me needing to cancel classes and set aside spaces just so I can relearn to breathe, as well as learn how to allow myself to receive the support needed and necessary and now, be it the inhaler I now have to use and the first time ever in my life I have ever needed to use one, as well as the deep trust fall that I can slow down, do nothing, and heal in a way I have yet to before.

my lessons are learned through the life that is me and mine - and in the prioritization of all that I can learn and live more truly and tenderly to me I trust with all my heart and spirit and curriculum I will only be able to show up even more brightly and boldly in this world and work of being well, being whole, and being who it is I was born to be alongside those who are ready and willing to know and master the same.

i’m going to be putting me first. i’m going to be practicing me first. and I realize that that may absolutely disappoint you. the thing is, if it does, I hope you dig deep and tend to the truth of whatever that is about for I do not hold your healing, I do not hold your happiness, I do not hold your joy - I can only share that which I know and have and the same goes for you. for I know I share and generate love and light in this world, but in no way do I ever want to generate dependency, guilt, or try to live into anyone else’s expectations - and I also do not want that for you. I can only hope with all my learning and lessons that you also remember you are the star of your story, you are the hero of your heart, you are the one who knows what you need to know and has what you need to have in this very now and next and every after.

me first in my story.

you first in yours.

it doesn’t mean we have forgotten each other, it just means we will better be able to see the whole of who we are and who we are to one another for we finally know the feeling, the healing, and all it is revealing for us to be free, untangled, unknotted, and well in the ways we need when we need them.

are you with me in this lesson?

or better yet, are you with you and all your lessons?

for we need you, I need you, you need you, and every lesson we are here to learn and live- independently and alongside one another.

i’m proud of us and all the learning we have done and still have the blessing and ability to do.

feel free to leave some love and share any of the lessons you are currently processing, prioritizing, and practicing in the comments below. i’d love to cheer you on as well as remind you and I that we are not alone. bowing deeply with all my love and all my lessons,

keri