another notebook’s end
for the last few years I have made it a practice that has become a prioritization and one of my healthiest patterns to write… every morning I sit and allow my pen to communicate onto the paper that which is alive, buried, blurred, and active in me. morning by morning, this time to myself and a voice I am continually trying to make more clear, more courageous, and more in-tune with the truths I hold and the hopes I harbor, has given me insight to my goals, my desires, my dreams, my work to be done, as well as a reflection into what I value, what is of importance, and who it is I am hoping to be…
just yesterday I finished another 192 page notebook. and as one notebook comes to an end I really feel this excitement and energy as I know something new is about to begin. what it will be I still do not know, yet I trust each and every entry, each and every page and letter that lands on the paper in front of me from a space within me, will eventually begin to reveal more to me and in that, I hope to reveal more to you- more of who it is I am and more of what it is I am here to do.
this practice began as way of coping with the big feels inside of me as well as a centering into the guidance and wisdom that lives with and through that emotion. writing has given me a way to let my mind release as well as realize some of the pressure, the patterning, the pain, the passions, the pursuits, and where I have allowed limit and how there is a spaciousness and abundance of brilliance and innocence beyond it. writing has become a way to to be in conversation with the God of my understanding as well as a doorway to the ones I long for. writing has been a safe place to land and leverage the turbulence, the trials, the trauma, the truths and nuance within me and all I have the honor, humility and privilege to do. and in the multitude of 20 something plus notebooks holding about 192 pages each, I also feel it has been a way of getting more grounded and centered with myself and the ways i can share that with readiness and ease for all who find their way to my words, my work, my language, my light.
the notebook that just came to an end held an intention throughout every conversation I wrote and that was “how.” I let these 192 pages be centered around my very full and foolish faith that something so Loving, so Kind, so Just, is listening and guiding me through and through and that in that notebook I would very willingly hand that “how” over to that Source and guidance again and again- trusting that every how to my dreams, my destiny, my very dharma of this lifetime will and would be cultivated, cared for, and eventually even more clear in all that I need to know, navigate, and do.
how comes as a challenge to me at times. yet the why and the what and even the patience of when are all things I tend to find and feel my way through more naturally. I am a dreamer- and a big one at that. I am sensitive- a feeler of so many emotions and learning how to discern that which is mine to feel and that which is not. and I am patient- maybe more through practicing that skill of Divine timing and intervention’s guidance than radically accepting those trajectories and paths, all in all, my biggest challenge in being and becoming is knowing how to- so I trusted the pen and the stability of the pages and paper to hold for the last couple of months, day by day, and handed off the how of all my hopes to come more closely through.
tonight, I share with you not just an entry into these pages, but also some of the doodles and poetry that came alive in those pages too. my hope is that somehow someway this vulnerability and intimacy of my own entries will allow you to see and know me a little more closely and clearly as well as that radical reflection back and to you. be it writing, be it prayer, be it singing, be it silence, I hope there is a practice that you are prioritizing that gives and gifts back and forth and forward to you- all your hows, all your hopes, all you and your heart hold as well as your spirit too.
one of my biggest beliefs is that we each already have all that we need to navigate through the chaos and confliction of these times. I believe we each hold the answers to the many questions our souls and situations seek. we are wise wise beings with gifts and grace and goodness beyond that which may be seen and saturated outside the surface of what we see. yet, so much of our conditioning, so much of our patterning, and the further we are in proximity to resources and privilege and support and blessings can and will block us from knowing the many truths and talents within- yet, with writing, i am finding my way to the knowing in me and through the illusions that would rather i not- and if that route is alive within me, well dear friend and reader, it is also present and very much apart of you.
writing in a notebook has given me a pathway into the many things I hold, as well as the very Sacred truth that something so Loving is holding me and all that I hold with so much love too. with time, with patience, and with the creation of patterns that allow us the time and space to be in that flow of our own truths, I feel we will not only benefit for our own self, we will benefit the entire trajectory of our world and all it holds too.
so, in courage and love, I share with you my first entry of this very notebook i have been speaking about, my first 3 pages from monday 4/29/24, let me know what you think in the comments below as well as any of the practices that you have that help you in your steady, your strong, your clear. as always, i love you, and i am so thankful you are here:
here we go- a new beginning to a new day and week- as well as a notebook… I hope these pages hold the how- the how its done- the how its happening - the resources needed and the prioritization too- to make dreams and Divine Destiny come true. which I feel we/I never have to “make” or “force” anything to happen- we/I just gotta believe and move at that same pace- I feel I am coming out of some slumber. lots of spaciousness to rest this weekend- even napping yesterday about two hours and sleeping in bed ten. it is Taurus season and I am feeling my own inner shifts of allowing more rest, comfort, even comfort food. Friday night we got burgers, fries, and a malt- a true american classic. and no i’ll intent afterwards either- I feel my body needed the calories, the fat, the salt- I also feel spiritually, I am growing - may I also be glowing- and my body needs the space and time to attune. I feel right now the greatest gift I can give myself is trust- trust my bodies promptings, discernment, and needs- trust my worthiness and that the Lord of Love and Light will always ensure there is a way- trust that somethings may fall away and new structures and opportunities will come and create stability again. the how- the how she did it- how she manifested a destiny so Divine and so much bigger than her- and her is me- I am her- and I am here to do great and grand things. I am here to serve- i am here to support. i am here to provide and protect sanctuary- inward and out. it feels like i am releasing the patterns of what brought me here- from the way I move through the day to the way I think and construct how it needs to go. I am coming undone- releasing- while all the while preparing- being ready and restored- to greet and go forward with all that is and will find me… I really am hoping for more clarity Lord. more insight and ease to what we are making together and the how it’ll be done… I so believe. I do I do I do. i’d like to see me/us in Costa Rica for retreat experiences as well as supporting Esteban, Lilliam, and all their worth and vision too. more service in nature- more sanctuary with You Dear Divine. more possibilities- more prosperity- more joy - more peace- more of this freedom for me and all. I am so blessed to be sitting in my living room with the morning light and fog holding us. Mani behind me sleeping on the blue sofa. Fallas Coffee in my cup, new notebook- new pen-- James safe at work- and choices- decisions I get to make that honor me and my needs and values… may I not take any of it for granted. may I use it all for me and You Lord and all of Highest Destiny. please, just be so gentle with me… and courageous too. I absolutely want to write. I absolutely want to lead and teach and share space for all. I absolutely want to remind all of our connection to You Dear Divine and nature, elements, ethers, and all that is, was, and will be. I absolutely want to benefit the continuance of life. and ensure the the return to our heart and humanity. yet, how Lord how?!? will you please show me- guide me- lead and allow me to- may the messages and magick I can offer be found- felt- heard- please helps me to embody my entire light- help me to be clear and focused- inspired and intentional- I have the space- I have the time- I have the hope and heart and pursuit within me- whatever may be blocks in the how and in my way may they all please gently dissolve- disappear- be removed- open up, Keri, open up and return to you that way I can really be resourced, ready, courageous- in all I have the blessing, honor, and privilege to do… may these pages reflect all the hows and the very blueprint to a life and way of being bigger- brighter- more beautiful than what it is I /we know now. may these pages hold me and my accountability to my self and the service I am here to share with the world. may these pages open me up- heal me even more deeply- and reflect to me my truest light, self and power. may I wake up. may I take action. may I learn how to manifest all I/we desire- bigger than me- this moment- and all my fears, ideas, and dreams. I trust the how will find me. I trust it all will find me. and I will keep finding You Lord Divine.
I love you all,
<3 keri
