i'm done with dysregulation

moving out of line and into alignment...

alright dear ones,

bear with me… because I am about to rant a little as I am so very tired of the vicious and viscous cycles of our culture and conditioning that just keep us in a holding pattern of holding it all in, stuffing ourselves into formation, and keep us stuck in a perpetual loop of exhaustion, emotional dysregulation, and the idea that we have to do this thing of life alone…

I am so tired of participating in and perpetuating dysregulation—be it the time change we all have to abide by, or the current state of affairs that live out loud in our society in many subtle and gigantic ways. The systems and cycles that just keep us in a loop—a perpetual loop of exhaustion, fear, scarcity, and more…

I feel it is so intentional—to keep us in line. And to keep us further and further apart from our own alignment, our own integrity, our own authenticity, as well as attunement to our own bodies' natural rhythm, 24-hour cycles, and how the planets, the sun, the moon, the stars, those who are not human, all find this ability to flow with the seasons, rest with the right reasons, and innately find harmony from within. Yet, as human beings, we are conditioned for productivity, catalyzed for profit, and calloused from our peace.

I don’t want us in line—I want us aligned.

I don’t want us stuck in formation—I want us flowing with life.

I don’t want us holding our bodies, holding our breaths, holding on for dear life due to the fear of what might happen if we actually let go—actually challenge the very narrative that says this is how it has to be so—and return to the rhythm, the harmony, the humanity that is so much alive in us all—buried maybe, blocked probably, yet not begotten, even though we might have forgotten…

I am really tired of all the systems that keep us tired.

We live in a culture that hijacks our nervous system both intentionally and deliberately. The time change is one example, but I encourage you to get curious about all the other ways around you and within you that keep you, and I, and each and all of us, in a holding pattern of dysregulation… exhaustion… fear. Ones that rob us of our most precious commodity—time. Ones that make it nearly impossible to receive the space we need to grieve, to feel, to rest, to restore our bodies, our minds, our emotions, and our very spirit.

Just today, as I held space at TRICAP for the women I serve and support, as we settled into the space with our agreements of how we want to show up together, supporting our own interpersonal regulation and response as well as all those in the room with us, mutual care is possible, y’all—just sayin’—one of the women shared how her heart was breaking for one of her friends. She shared that her friend had just received news that her father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, and that she, being very familiar with the feelings of grief and loss and the impacts and cycles of these systems they are in, was concerned for her, voicing that she wished she could take all the pain on for her. She too was feeling the very real response of what it is to love so deeply for her friend.

I asked her if she wanted to name her friend—not in a way of calling her out, but in a way of calling her into our group. Unaware that her friend was right there in the circle, in the space, before I had the awareness, the friend called herself into the conversation and shared, “I’m fine… just fine.” But, I gotta tell you, even though I didn’t know this woman was the one being spoken about, I could feel it. I could feel her holding so much back.

So, I said to her, “Are you sure you’re fine? And know that it’s okay if you are—and if you are not… I just feel like there’s more to you than what you’re saying…”

That’s when the truth came out—preceded by a deep and full breath out, followed by tears as she looked me in the eyes and said, “I am that friend. And this really sucks. It sucks that I’m stuck in this facility, away from my family. It sucks that I didn’t get to see my dad before he passed. It sucks that I’m labeled a ‘runner,’ so I probably won’t even get a chance to go to the funeral and be with my family. This just really sucks…”

She almost didn’t say a word. Not a single word. And I—being a daughter who knows the impact of such a loss, deeply—I felt it. I know the emotions that flood in when you lose someone so suddenly, so tragically. There’s disbelief, anger, rage, sadness, sorrow… no matter the relationship. That’s your dad. That’s her dad. That’s my dad.

This is another living example of how these holding patterns get conditioned into us, making it so difficult to express, to grieve, to feel. And what makes it worse is that these systems, these structures, reinforce the very thing that keeps us stuck. This woman almost didn’t share her truth because the system was telling her she had to keep it in. It’s the same system that makes us believe we can’t break down, can’t fall apart, can’t show our emotions because there’s no space for them.

The system says we have to stay in formation. But when we do, we become disconnected. And that disconnection deepens dysregulation.

She even admitted she almost didn’t say anything. And that the system itself wasn’t saying anything. Meaning, the staff, the women around her, they all knew she was going through this grief, and yet, they too were holding their tongues, keeping to the agenda—the agenda of keeping everything moving, staying productive. And don’t get me wrong, structure is important. But if that structure doesn’t allow us to connect with our hearts and humanity, why the fuck are we letting it hold us at all?

It was thanks to the space, the support, and the quiet, clear messaging from all of us that said, “We are right here with you”—that gave her the chance, the courage, to not hold back. To not hold it all in. But to open up, share, feel—in community. We all deserve that. And when we don’t have that, when we’re denied the space to feel and process, the dysregulation just continues.

To be in line is to keep the systems that keep us stuck in a perpetual loop of tension, tyranny, and trauma alive. To be aligned is to be alive, aware of what’s needed, what’s necessary, and what we are all worthy of—without the need for conformity, without the need for expectation. Never, ever a one-size-fits-all approach. I am so blessed that my own dysregulation—my time of sitting in my own shit, my own trauma, my own grief—has allowed me to become regulated, resourced, and ready to hold the space we are all worthy of. And needing. Especially when we are grieving.

I see it all too often—the discomfort of someone else triggering the discomfort within them. How it causes people to fill the space with advice when, really, maybe all we need is a quiet place to let our truths come out. A space where we don’t need to fix, don’t need to control, don’t need to manage anyone else. Simply and sacredly opening up and allowing all that’s been held back to emerge, to flow.

The internal and external systems that hold us back and create the idea that we have to hold it all in—hold it all together—just need to go. And while I know this work is ambitious—tearing down, disrupting, dysregulating these systems—it is the courage, the faith, and the love we carry that whispers, “Systems are made of people. So support the people. Love the people. Make space for the people.” And maybe, just maybe, one day—thanks to all of us, regulated, resourced, and ready to meet the moment—these systems will be the very downfall of the very intentional, deliberate ways of being that bypass love and forget our shared humanity.

So, hi-ho, hi-ho, these systems gotta go. And I cannot break the ones inside of you. Only you can. But know, I am here—with you in that work, with you in that hope of creating and caring for a world where we move beyond the fixation on ideas that only isolate and keep us unwell.

May we be aligned.

And may we walk out of every line that keeps us unwell, unheld, in formation.

So tell me, dear one—
What does alignment feel like to you?

What does it mean to be in your own rhythm, your own authentic care?

And if that feels too big to answer—too big to see—
Start right here.
Start right now.
Start as you are, not alone.

With me.

What do you need to feel a little more at ease?
What fuels your mind, your body, your being, your soul?

Can we, together, prioritize that?

Because you are worth it.
We are worth it.

And my heart hopes—
That the pain we are all experiencing will be the contrast that brings us back to the pulse, the pursuit, the purpose—

Of being well.