Om Mani Padme Hum

#tbt to a time and reflection of what it means to not create more harm...

Om Mani Padme Hum

This is the mantra of compassion, the melody and vibration of power and peace that gently restores and returns the heart and will back into alignment of true and precious power: Love.

I have found myself resting and returning to this mantra in the moments of ease as well as the moments of extraneous efforts. It brings me home to the humanity of my heart and the intelligence that can be felt within every contraction and expansion if I slow down and listen.

om - the very vibration of unity and all that is (mind, body, spirit, collective, past, present, future)

mani - the wish fulfilling jewel, a brilliance within that burns pure of love and light

padme - the very wisdom rising from the murky waters of life, the lotus flower

hum - the very spirit and sound of enlightenment, to see the true nature of reality

This mantra found me this last year during a time where I knew I could only navigate from the courage of my own compassion and the honoring of my own heart’s wisdom and gut’s guidance through trauma, fear, and a whole lot of pain.

I feel that is truly what this mantra is all about.

A melody that can literally move us through darkness, defeat, divide, and great pain.

a teacher and transformer, just like our Mani.

Mani is our 3 year old pup who is named after the very light within us all, the manipura chakra. This space is also known as the solar plexus and resides in the softness and strength that is our belly, our breath, our internal power. Energetically, within us all, is a light more brilliant and bright than a thousand suns. This is our Mani. A true reflection and relationship of pure love, authenticity, and light. This chakra and pup are all about knowing our own personal power and are an integral part of our own remembering that we have choice as well as insight, intuition, and wisdom, all felt and found from within. I feel Mani is here during this season of my life to walk me home, closer and closer into the power and trustings of my own light, might, and magick.

He is a gift.

A precious and powerful gem.

Oh, the light he brings.

And it’s his light that has guided us through trauma and terror and the hard reality of how in the blink of an eye and the wag of tail, so much can change…

October 3rd, 2023, a morning where Mani and i were faced with the obstacles of our home getting a new floor installed and our backyard having trees cut down and the entire day to just be and be together… With grand intentions and joyous gratitude of making the most of our morning, Mani and i suited up for an extra long walk on a summer-like-morning and day. Since it was so serene outside and home held loudness and constructive chaos, we stretched our usual mile loop walk beyond the proximity of our norm.

We turned left.

Sometimes I wonder what would have been if we had stayed straight.

We turned left and in a matter of fragmented seconds everything changed. On the other side of the street we turned down was what I would label as Mani’s arch nemesis, aka, “the big white scary dog”. this dog and Mani had never crossed true paths before, yet, they knew of one another. Every morning around 9am the “big white scary dog’s” guardian would walk by our home and every single time the two of them, Mani and the BWSD, would act out like they had some unsettled beef. I constantly wondered why the guardian continued to come by our house as there are many other ways, because it was such a scene and so much effort on her end to get her “big white scary dog” moving beyond our property and out of sound and sight. Her dog, roughly 100-120 pounds, big and white (obviously lol), and to me their body resembles the shape and structure of a warthog, especially when running straight at you. Her, “big white scary dogs” guardian, roughly a 70 year old woman, who on the day of our one and only intersection was just 24 hours post cataract surgery.

Divine timing or damn timing?

I guess it’s what you do with the time you have…

Within breaths, within the time it takes for my eyes to see her and her “big white scary dog” she is already on her back and her hands have let go of the leash. Like a force, BWSD violently latching on to Mani’s right side of his neck. Cries of terror and pain no ears should have to hear, and no creature should have to create, yet it seems to be the only sound I hear and the only sight I see is Mani in misery and the 3 of us wrestling for life. I am eye to eye with the one who is trying to kill my son, my light, my baby… I did not think. I just instinctively moved. Straddling the warthog. Prying my fingers into the very jaw and teeth that were trying to take Mani's life. What felt like an eternity could have been very seconds - I will never know. I just know there in the middle of a street I gave everything I had to save my boy. Be it miraculous or just the makings of a mama who loves her child, somehow, my hands were able to open the trap of a clenched jaw and teeth and Mani was able to break free and run.

He ran so fast and I, in a fog of adrenaline and fear, could barely lift my legs as I picked my body off the street and ran after the very light of my heart and soul: my boy, my Mani, my son. I was scared where he went and if I would even be able to find him. We were off our usual path. We had never ever gone this way before. And he just ran. I did all within my capacity to pick one leg up and the other. All my fuel used up in the attack and getting the BWSD's jaw to open.

My legs felt like jello and I felt so ashamed of how defeat was taking over me like gravity - making it hard to scream and shout for help. We still have a block and 3 turns to go, where was he and where could he be and how the hell is no one helping me and am i going to make it?!? all screaming through my mind so loudly…

Only one person offered us any help. A neighbor I see frequently on his bike just happened to be out enjoying the serene summer-like day, he saw me and made sure to let me know he saw Mani and pointed to our house as he shared he went that way…

Mani ran all the way home. right to our door. amidst the chaos of trees being cut and flooring being gutted out and the pain and confusion of what had just happened and never ever being off his leash in our neighborhood, he made it home. right there on our porch, fearful, yet alive, waiting for me…

We got to the vet quickly. and I am eternally humbled and amazed by the staff and professionals at MAC (Midland Animal Clinic), our vet, Doc Manley, truly an angel on this earth, and the attention and urgency they offer me and our babies, especially in these moments of high uncertainty and fear of what could be, humbles me, amazes me, i am eternally oh so grateful. They got him into surgery right away and sent me to urgent care.

Mani’s neck.

My hands.

and our whole hearts and nervous systems,

ready for some deep and restorative healing.

I didn’t yet know that would all happen, thanks to the medicine and remedy of surgery, antibiotics, rest, and the communal care we received - thank you, thank you, thank you - it also was fused with the unified decision to greet this horror and hardship with as much empathy and love as we possibly could and can.

i knew i was going to be bumped up with the decision of what to do about the “big white scary dog”... even in the midst of madness (waiting for news about Mani, inside our house with so much construction happening, outside trees coming down, it was quite a loud and intense day!) there was a clarity in me that knew and still knows, vengeance does not equal justice. If I move from a place of retaliation what good does that do? how can i, even in this moment, move and mend with and from love, not fear?

Om Mani padme hum

As James and I awaited news of Mani, my phone rang with a number from midland. my gut (Mani) told me to answer it. It was Her. the “big white scary dogs” mom. And she was crying. She was apologetic. She was concerned. She was willing to be accountable as well as fearful for what that could mean. She was open and receptive to what it is our heart's and healing would need.

I like to call this, “The conditions”

The ways in which we, together, will heal from this.

as well as ensuring that this event can never ever happen again.

Through the power of compassion, two dog moms were able to meet in the murky waters of what had happened, and together, found a way to uphold and honor the light. That's the thing about love, it is firm, it is fierce, it is fully present to all that is and holds the infinite healing possibilities of all that can be.

In no way did I want to take her dog’s life from her. I know the hole the loss of an animal can bring and if there’s ways to prevent that, as well as this ever happening again, then please, let us work together.

The non-negotiables in our conditions were that she needed to get a humane muzzle and ensure it is always worn whenever they are out in public. Something I have yet to share and sometimes just don’t settle into as closely as I could, is that Mani could have died. Easily. The Vet shared with me that I saved his life. And that what I did is not the usual. I don't think any other dog would have survived if under the same attack and circumstances of me and Mani. and, if it had been a child, it could have been even more devastating, and i don’t hold that lightly.

I forgot about the fighter in me. I forgot about that fierceness. and how I fight for what I love. Our love saved Mani's life. as well as mine. And that fight lives on through the conditions of ensuring we do all we can to not allow this to happen again. I asked that she work with a humane dog trainer, pay for the medical expenses, and in the words of Tom Petty, “don’t come around here no more” and all to which she eagerly agreed.

All this territory is traumatic and new, yet finding a familiar feeling of ease and ground through love. All of this is both the mixings of fear and love, darkness and light, and being aware of how each and every decision can create our very fates and cease or nurture our very lives.

Om mani padme hum

Mani came home that evening and rested as our hearts mourned and prayed how to get through… the very next morning Mani woke up wanting to play - so his manipura spirit and as the days continued, healing and hope transformed us yet anew.

i found a card and gift bag sitting on our porch, within it a message of more hope and healing with some toys and treats for Mani. A kind gesture that brought more bounty and astonishment simply by the salutation at the end of the card. The “big white scary dog” has a name and that name is Lotus. Even now as I write that a wide and full smile stretches across my face. Lotus, of all names, happens to be the name of my very adversary, aggressor, and test of apathy or empathy when it comes to my heart as well as my choices, my compass, my gears. Lotus is the BWSD.

Padme is Sanskrit for lotus.

Padme is the wisdom and beauty that emerges from the murky waters.

Padme is the beauty of life, knowing the darkness to know the light.

Isn't that what happened here?

In all the chaos? In all the crisis?

Was it all just teaching us compassion?

What guided me through the turbulence is whats woven through this mantra,

om mani padme hum.

in the aftermath, trauma still was present, and i found it hard to sit as i ritually do each morning,

om mani padme hum

was my anchor when i felt groundless and my horizon when i felt trapped by the residual fear.

om mani padme hum

something guided me to this mantra and this mantra restored me to ease.

om Mani Padme Hum

all before I even knew the name of our aggressor was Lotus, Padme, I was sitting, singing, praying, and focused on those Sacred syllables and all the healing compassion they contain. It kind of makes me giggle now knowing right there in the middle of all the hurt, we were healing, and finding our way through. Mani and Padme uniting, and the Universe was revealing to me just how powerful we all are, especially when we willingly choose Love.

Receiving this information of Lotus’s name just validated for me the value of honoring my own inner knowing and making choices that in hope could create peace. My ability to leverage the lens of compassion and see beyond the initial impact of our pain and hurt is what cultivates and creates opportunities of unity and healing. And we all have that power.

I knew I would be going against my Spirit, my heart, my own humanity if I had let anger and fear be the deciding voice for Lotus and her fate. I knew there was no amount of compensation that could remedy or repair the damage done. I knew there was nothing I could take from Lotus and her mom that would ever feel like justice to me. The only thing I wanted, and truly ever want, was for each of us to return to peace…

Our story is not singular to us and it is not singular to the context of our happenings. Every day we are confronted with attacks, everyday we are confronted with choices that impact beyond the single thought of i and me, everyday we are given opportunities to love and love one another beyond all the ways in which we may have been hurt and conditioned to hate. Everyday is an opportunity for unity in more ways than we can actually know, understand, or even fully see…

Mani and Padme.

The Jewel and the Lotus.

Together, for the ultimate peace.

We have teachers within us and all through the workings of the world that are offering us insight through the pain, through the horror, through the hardships of what is happening - and not as a place to become complacent or stuck or continue the cycle of violence, yet as the very cultivation of what care and conditions are needed and how compassion can catalyze that (and more) into being.

Miracles do happen.

but only through the heart.

These times are urgent and beg of us to please slow down long enough to feel beyond the initial stings and panics that keep us static in fear. no amount of vengeance brings peace. no amount of oppression creates liberation. Those roads aren't meant to guide us home, they are meant to divide us further and farther apart.

We are resilient beings (Mani!) and believe it or not, beyond anything we have or have not done, We are Loving beings (lotus) too, compassionate beings, sensitive beings, innovative beings. We have to be willing to see beyond the single lens of ‘woe is me’ and witness how we each and all are woven into the very workings of each and every part of our lives and whether or not we will and can be well.

The time is now.

The teachers are here.

Can we be the ones who actualize, manifest, and illuminate into being the very lotus, life, and liberation we all are worthy of?

Can we learn from this pain?

Honor its bite?

and Let Love be our only fight, our only weapon?

I feel we can.

and my story reminds me I do.

I chose love over fear.

Forgiveness over vengeance.

and seeing beyond the limits of my own shadows and fear.

and all of these choices continue to create for me more and more peace,

more and more knowing,

more and more ease,

all of which impacting me and impacting you...

Lotus lives.

Mani heals.

and conditions were created to ensure this never happens again.

This is our power. 

This is our peace.

This can be practiced. 

(and I hope we will and do)

The greatest gift and gem from this terrible and terror-filled experience is peace. 

and that is truly the only gift, grace, and ground I ever hope to share with you.